Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
