your parents love me but you hate me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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