My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
