Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
lets start a swedish sibling band together
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
