we have pet lesbian snakes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
