I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
