I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
