Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just cut my nipple shaving
he thought i was a dude.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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