you traded sex for a burrito?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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