When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
