I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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