I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
