Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
