he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
