Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
