also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
