that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
