I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
