If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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