thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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