i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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