Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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