I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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