There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
