dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
