walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
