No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
