Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't think brook has ever known best
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
