So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
