put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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