Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
