I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
