Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
