I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Alive.
So much puke
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
