Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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