What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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