was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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