Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
