I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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