How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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