the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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