A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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