Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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