I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
