There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
