I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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