I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
