what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
