Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
