The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
