and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
