How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Blood and glitter go together right?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
