so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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