the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
