Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
