why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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