i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
