Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
