Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She announced her abortion via fbk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
