This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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