So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
