i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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