How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
