so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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