You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize