did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
