Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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