Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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