ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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