Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
